Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I suck at this blogging thing!

Atleast I'm managing to post again before little boy blue is BORN! We've gone the past three days now with much rib kicking. Just one spot on my right rib...still not quite painful, I'm still just jumping out of my seat when he does it! Monday 9/12 was the most movement I think I've felt this whole time. There's a reason for it, but he's to remain nameless.

I've been feeling like I'm not really getting this pregnancy thing. Kinda like I'm missing out? Aside from the total lack of emotional support where it should be coming from, I know I should feel fortunate I was only sick once (I blame the fact I gorged on a shrimp tempura wasn't really sushi, but I prayed to the porcelin god), but I'm not having so many of the things most women go through or complain about. Cravings, nausea, back pain, muscle cramps, swelling, blah blah, blah.
I'm complaining about not being able to complain. I acknowledge this fact now, but I think more so I'm afraid I'm going to be broadsided by the world's worst labor & delivery to make up for it all.

It's just one more thing that makes this whole thing seem unreal. I don't feel the need to talk or sing to my belly/son/baby, I know I'm supposed to, it's kinda weird to me. I guess I thought it would help that "someone's" 3x prior experiences would help guide me through this. Don't count your chickens right... But pregnancy is also supposed to be a happy time, and I feel like I'm depressed (again?). It doesn't help I have no where to live, no space to currently call my own except my car, my personal belongings are strewn over 2 counties at 4 or 5 people's houses. The real root of my problems I'm not supposed to be discussing with anyone, but seriously, that's only making things worse. Yes, family & friends are a great support system. Aside from one person in NC, my support system is 800+ miles aways.

I'm announcing this now because I'm hoping a big deal won't be made, but I went to the ER this past Friday night/Saturday morning about 10pm. I was having really bad cramps that had steadily increased from Friday morning on. Normally I would have just blamed round ligament pain like the hospital eventually did, but this was very painful, menstrual type cramps across my entire lower abdomen, not just the sides. I got scared because of the cramping with my miscarriage, so I went in (which they always tell you to do when you're concerned, but I think the hospital just likes getting paid). They monitored his heart and that whole contraction monitor scale thing, which still wasn't explained to me, so I don't know what the numbers meant when they fluctuated between 9 & 55....??
Anywho, no meds given or anything, the nurse was concerned with somethings that point towards higher preterm labor risks, she just told me to take it easy & drink more water. Jesus, she must have been a Corpsman in the Navy, because that's the answer to every problem in life it seems. (That & Motrin, but that's Marine Corps Candy I can't have anymore...thankfully) Oh, here's some TMI for you, holy shenanigans, pregnant woman should be warned about having your cervix checked! The sweet nurse lady claimed she had smaller hands than my female doctor, but that didn't stop me from buckling up off the table. Uhm. NO! There's the end of my TMI. Thank you.

Anyway, I'm just venting because I'm feeling lost. Home, relationship, job, even lost on HOW to be pregnant. It's not supposed to be like this.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know how I missed this post... but I'm glad I have decided to clean out my Google Reader carefully tonight and start fresh. I hope you are feeling more settled now that you have your very own place to call home :) You really are going to be a great mom, and I don't think you should worry about missing out on pregnancy stuff, or that you will have a miserable labor because of it. That's just silly, but we can be silly sometimes, so I understand. lol... I can't believe you didn't tell me about your trip to the ER! I'm glad it all turned out to be okay and stuff, but you know I'm a nurse and I can explain some of that mumbo jumbo to you. The "root of your problems" may suck, and your support system may be 800+ MILES away, but I'm also just a phone call away and miles don't count that way :)